I like to write. This blog is called Faith(,) In Words because A.) I write about faith a lot and B.) I put a great deal of faith in my writing to release stress and work through my thoughts.
SEE HOW CLEVER I AM?
Also, isn’t it cool, the difference a comma can make?
I have a lot of thoughts, as you may see here or on Twitter, but the unfiltered majority of them are saved for my journal. I write a couple pages a day and it really helps me sort through the thoughts that keep me up at night, find the lesson that God has hidden in a trial, find a rhyme or reason for the seemingly random. The writer in me wants to find patterns. The writer in me likes black and white, or at least a straightforward bottom line.
But recently the writer in me is frustrated. The same few issues keep coming up in the journal over and over as I try to mentally prepare myself for moving out of Columbia, leaving this phase of my life behind. “Why is this still bothering me?” I ask myself over one issue or another, “I’ve dealt with this.”
Some days I am able to say, “Yes, Lord, this is good.” Other days, not so much. I weigh the good against the bad and get different results, depending on my mood.
As it turns out, not all experiences or relationships can be summed up into a simple, gift-wrapped bottom line. I think, when it comes down to it, our spirits perceive more than our minds can comprehend. The heart of flesh the Lord has placed in my chest is too nuanced and complex for the often brusque inadequacies of language. In converting feeling to thought and thought to words, there is too much lost in translation.
This has to be by design. Maybe some human experience was never meant to be spoken, was never intended to be boiled down to its bare bones and shared like an anecdote at a party. These unspeakable, overwhelming moments can only be shared with the Creator.
Though it’s tempting, I won’t simplify all experience for the sake of sharing. I will leave the wordless feelings be and simply let the unspoken moments pull me closer to him. I will thank him for every nuance, every joy, every pain, every lesson, every comfort, every moment of cognitive dissonance. Each one is chosen for me and afforded by the vastness of his being and the intricacy of his loving design.
“The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27
And yes, let’s take a moment to revel in the irony of this blog post as a whole. 🙂 I would write a blog about the lack of preciseness in writing.